The Silent Career Killer: How Unhealed Parts of us Sabotage Success
Over my career as an HR professional I’ve had the privilege of interviewing thousands of people, including candidates for senior and executive roles. My role was to see beyond résumés and technical qualifications to understand what truly makes someone tick—what drives them, what lies at their core, and whether their essence aligns with the role and organisation. Sometimes, this essence was buried deep within; other times, it was right at the surface, often I would notice things about *the person was calling for their attention—yet unnoticed by the person themselves.
One of the clearest examples of this was encountering senior executives who were visibly nervous during interviews. At first glance, it might seem like “just nerves.” But I see this differently in any candidate, because our natural human state is ease, but nerves in senior executive is especially undeniable as something deeper and unresolved. In today’s world, soft skills like calmness, confidence, and clarity are paramount—especially at the executive level, where technical skills and industry expertise are assumed. These qualities emerge from within, the result of personal growth and inner work. Anything other than ease, calmness, presence, indicates an internal restriction and points to inner work we haven’t yet done.
Strong soft skills can propel a career forward. However, when these skills are lacking, they can act as subtle drags—or even outright roadblocks. As an interviewer, I’ve often been the only person with the platform to give feedback that highlights these gaps, often it’s not possible or appropriate to explore this in full. At times where feedback around this was consented, and shared the question then becomes: Does the candidate listen and take action, or do they ignore the signals and continue as before? The truth is most people are not genuinely open, and that’s ok as this is an interview process not a coaching or counselling session. But when they go home, and lay in bed thinking about the outcome, we all want success. Fear of not being able to change, or fear of facing the discomfort surrounding the issue can pause us for years or even decades. That’s also ok, the thing is however that this decision is often made out of a fear, and often made unconsciously. This is where this is extremely expensive for us; missed opportunities, unnecessary suffering, stunted career growth and fulfillment.
The Opportunity Within Challenges
Any soft-skill deficiency can be resolved because our natural state is one of ease, confidence, and clarity. When these qualities are missing, it’s almost always due to unresolved wounds, blind spots, or restrictive patterns. These challenges are not inherent parts of us—they are invitations. They guide us toward the inner work necessary to unlock our true gifts. Facing these aspects of ourselves is the path to healing, growth, and expansion.
In my experience, the cry of these development areas are actually our true path through life – we don’t have to let it get to this point, but at whatever point we catch it, this is our true path. To heal and resolve the wounds in us. When we do this, we access our fullest strengths and fullest gifts. This is the path of getting to know all of ourselves intimately, and unlock all of our gifts. Our gifts become available in their fullest bloom when we by get to know ourselves; all of our nooks and crannies, especially those we fear to look at, our go into, or have pushed away. If we don’t taken action, life has out back and is great at poking us in these spots. Some we have chosen to become blind to because we have a sense of hopelessness about that aspect, or a fear that ‘it might be true’, so we run from it hoping to out run it. We never can out run these things, and we weren’t supposed to, this same facing this frightening possible is our key to freedom, we just need to slow down, turn to face and with compassion, and work through it.
I recall a specific C-level candidate who was exceptionally qualified on paper—technically skilled, experienced, and senior. But during the interview, they were visibly nervous and struggled to calm down. For such a senior leader, this was a red flag, and the opportunity was lost. Yet, I couldn’t help but feel compassion. Their nervousness was not a reflection of their worth but rather a signal of unresolved inner work. Addressing this would not only transform their professional presence but also bring greater ease and freedom to all areas of their life. This example, and thousands of others I have seen underscores a critical truth: We are not separate “professional” and “personal” selves. We are one person, carrying the same internal landscape into every role, interaction, and environment. The question becomes: What’s inside us, and how is it shaping our lives?
Self-Reflection: The Starting Point
Consider these questions. As you read, answer the questions using the very first thought, feeling or example that comes to mind. You may try to find the best example, or one you like, but I urge you to start with any little threat that presents first, then follow it.
What’s the worst thing you fear may be true about yourself?
Name the most recent situation at work which triggered you, or made you feel very uncomfortable?
Think of a something at work which made you feel highly irritated?
What was the last event at work which caused you to lose sleep thinking about it?
All of these things are not fully ‘normal’. I say this because it took me years to realise the anxiety, frustration and irritation which I experienced nearly all of the time was not my normal state, these were messengers speaking that I was ignoring and had become very accustomed to ignoring. These experiences often point to unhealed parts of us. Addressing them is transformational. In our natural state we still encounter challenges, but they pass through us quickly and with increasing ease. That nervous executive, for example, could have presented with ease and secured the role. By doing the inner work, their life—not just their career—would have shifted profoundly. When we heal, the ripple effects are far-reaching, benefiting our organisations, families, and communities beyond what we can imagine.
How to Begin Inner Work
Inner work is both simple and complex. Life, people, emotions are incredibly complicated, and yet also very, very simple – it’s a paradox, both perspectives are fully true. It involves two key practices:
1. Go inwards
Inner exploration can take many forms, including yoga, meditation, coaching, counselling, journaling, or even travel. The right method varies for each person and evolves over time. Reflect on moments of clarity and creativity in your life—when and how did they arise? For me, they often come through meditation, travel, and meaningful conversations. Working with a coach or counsellor has been especially impactful, providing a safe space to explore without the usual constraints of relationships or workplace dynamics.
2. Be proactive.
Don’t wait until challenges become crises. Regularly creating space for inner work prevents issues from escalating and allows insights and inspiration to emerge naturally. Often, we don’t know what we need until we create the space to discover it. This proactive approach is not only preventive but also a powerful way to unlock untapped potential before it becomes invisible or neglected.
Conclusion
Inner work transforms our lives. It clears the way for clarity, confidence, and authenticity, enabling us to show up fully in both personal and professional settings. The process might seem daunting, but it is also liberating. Facing our unhealed aspects isn’t about fixing what’s broken—it’s about rediscovering the wholeness that has always been within us.
